July 24, 2013

Fix me Jesus

One of my favorite movies is Joyful Noise with Queen Latifah and Dolly Parton. There are many great scenes of real life issues being dealt with in gritty and humorous ways. One scene that latched onto my heart is when Latifah/Vi Rose sings a simple yet poignant song of surrender. Fix me Jesus, Fix Me.

I think that must have been the cry of my heart for an entire decade. The mess that goes on in a woman that is all encompassed in a medical term called perimenopause; a season of life where everything is just “off”.  Moods swing higher than an amusement park slingshot ride. Memory lapses leave you in a fog worse than London ever experiences. The ability to make decisions vanishes and re-appears at will. I call all these MMs. Menopausal Moments.  There were times I’d look in the mirror and wonder where in the world did I go and will I ever find me again?

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I felt broken. Things in my head didn’t work right. My emotions were on a trip I didn’t want to travel. Even with three older sisters, no one told me what to pack for this trip so I’d rather remain a hermit, thank you very much. And so I did, to some point. I avoided being out in public whenever possible and happily stayed within the safety of my four walls. No one wants to talk about this whacked out season of life unless it is part of a comedy act.

I wonder about Sarah in the Bible. When the Angel of the Lord told Abraham in one year Sarah would bear a son, she laughed. After all, she was all dried up inside and so very done with all that menopausal messiness. Perhaps the “giving” of Hagar to Abraham to conceive a son was her huge MM decision that was forever recorded in history; an MM with a long-term global effect.

It's scary what can happen in those MM brain-fart times of life. Maybe Sarah was thinking: “Oh no, you did NOT just say that! I finally feel normal again!” Yes. I think that's why she laughed. Can't you see her head and index finger wagging at the messenger?

This year I turned fifty. Nifty, huh? I’ll be honest with you, it came with mixed feelings but overall I’m okay with it. I’ve reached the other side of the MM mess and I’m headed for new things in life. But I refuse to leave any 'sisters' in the wake of my dust to find their own way. Even though I’m the youngest of six kids I think I’d make a good big sister.
"Let each of you look not only for [her] own interests, but also for the interests of others." Philipppians 2:4
Are you experiencing the cry of Vi Rose's heart? Fix Me Jesus! Does everyone in your home think an alien has replaced you? There is hope, but Sister... see your doctor 'cuz there is help as well.

Bloggy Blessings,
~Mari



7 comments:

  1. Laury Holman Hubrich7/24/2013

    We walked through our menopausal madness together and we're still friends. That sure says something. And the friends who we both reached out to for support when we couldn't understand each other are still friends with the both of us. I don't think they think we're too crazy. At least they haven't admitted that to us anyway. haha!

    And you're right - we made it, in somewhat one piece, and helping others know what's going on when they have that perplexed look on their faces after they just spazzed out to their best friend - is the least we can do.

    Two blogs in a week?! WHAT???!!!!! She's BACK!!! <3

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  2. Jeanette Chamberlain7/24/2013

    Love this song. I know my family would like Jesus to FIX me!!!

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  3. There is hope. Things will get better!

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  4. rebazooka7/29/2013

    Just this morning, the words "I am broken" ran though my head countless times. These perimenopause physical issues are, at times, more than I can handle. Of the 14 symptoms list above, I suffer through more than half of them. My body and mind don't work like they used to, nor do they work like I think they should and wish they would. I do indeed wonder if I will ever be "normal" again. I know this is my season in life. I also know I will survive. But, man oh man, some days are just plain ugly.
    Thank you for your compassion, encouragment, and willingness to walk the walk with those of us who are suffering through MMs. Thank you, also, for the gift of your friendship and for loving me amidst my messiness. You are simply the best.

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  5. I got your back, gf. <3

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  6. You have been an inspiration to me...love you!

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Thanks for taking the time to traipse along with me. Your comments and feedback are always welcome and appreciated.

~Psalm 77:6 "I call to remembrance my song in the night; I meditate within my heart,and my spirit makes diligent search."
"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."
~Maya Angelou

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