Dirty Snow Angel

>> July 19, 2008

I saw a quote once that said "This isn't heaven, we don't have to be perfect yet." I pondered and wondered if this was a spiritual way of saying that one could do whatever one wanted, at least until you get to heaven.

I know that isn't true, but the phrase haunts me. Too many times I have tried to be perfect only to find myself in a heap feeling like a miserable failure. Some judge me, but true friends console me. They even assure me that my imperfections are what they like about me. How crazy is that?

But how does one lead others in a faith that they themselves have doubts about? Wow, that is a mouthful. And a heart-full as well.

Almost four years ago, on an outing to Mt Rainier, I couldn't resist the temptation to make a snow angel. If there is snow, an angel must be made in it. This is my theory and I am sticking to it. The snow was anything but fresh and clean, but the temptation still egged me on.

Today I look at these pictures of the result of that temptation and see a dirty snow angel. I can't help but feel that the "little angel" that made it at times has also been a little dirty. Doubts creep in concerning what God has for me. Doubts turn to frustration that end up as depression... and the dirt seeps in.

This isn't heaven...I don't have to be perfect yet...but I must not let dirty doubt seep in and melt into the corners of my heart. Can a dirty snow angel, or the maker of one, still be used of God? Even in all her imperfections? I hope so.

Psalm 51:7-11 (NLT) Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me— now let me rejoice. Don’t keep looking at my sins. Remove the stain of my guilt. Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me. Do not banish me from your presence, and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.

5 comments so far...Care to leave your thoughts?:

LauraLee Shaw 7/19/2008  

Profound thought here. Gotta dig through it. We all have doubts from time to time, but yes, we keep trusting and walking in obedience anyway, even if we don't understand. The beauty is that God gives us people to hold us up when our doubts take us off track. I love that.

Thanks for giving me something to mull over as I hit my pillow this evening (er, um morning).

Sparrow 7/20/2008  

Powerful thoughts. It's hard to find that balance of realizing we can never be perfect (but God sees us as perfect through Jesus' blood) and not beating ourselves up for that, but also not letting ourselves be lax in trying to be holy.

Kristen 7/20/2008  

How profound. I agree we cannot allow our imperfections to give us license to do whatever we want, but at the same time we cannot allow them to hold us back from doing what He wants. We are flawed but we are forgiven.

This is a great post. And I adore the pictures of you!!!

Laury 7/22/2008  

Mari, I'll never forget that snow angel moment. Was so much fun! I'll never forget any of our times we had together. I am sitting here in tears, in a neighbor's house. Ugh. Thanks a lot. I read you and Amy's blog and its killing me. I want to go back. I will stomp my feet and hold my breath until I get to, dare me? Okay. I will. Just watch! Love you, Mari, love you so very much, my friend!

Joanne Sher 7/28/2008  

VERY powerful, Mari. We have all been there - and that battle is constant. Praise God that He gives us His Spirit to help us!

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